We were happy. All seemed balanced and lovely. We kissed a week later on December 12th. I thought everything was going smoothly. We were so happy, stuck in this puppy dog state of love until March 17th of the next year.
We had our first fight at a rehearsal for our Spring concert. This was the first of what was yet to come. He wasn't yelling. He never raised his voice, but what he said to me rings in my ears to this very day.
"You're such a lesbian. You're so f***ing ugly and I f***ing hate you."
What started this fight? Oh yeah, I was hanging out with my friends, including a new one who'd moved to our school that second semester. Bree and I had gotten extremely close within the past three months and he had gotten jealous. A big chunk of the off time we had while other groups were rehearsing was spent with her. We were cuddling and holding hands. I'm a very clingy person, especially toward my friends.
Anyway, he kept calling me fat, stupid, ugly, and lesbian until I finally apologized for not giving him my full attention. I genuinely thought it was my fault. He was in 8th grade (the last year of my school's middle school) and I was a freshman in high school, so we had different band periods and we never got to see each other except at practices and rehearsals. So I felt guilty for not holding HIS hand and cuddling with HIM. Because, after all, it was my fault. And it did seem like a lesbian thing to do...I guess? I mean, I am attracted to males and females. Maybe that's why he was jealous.
EXCUSE AFTER EXCUSE. I tried to make sense of it all. He'd done nothing wrong. He didn't hit me or yell at me, but I never cheated. Anyway, after apologizing for the fourth or fifth time, he finally accepted it, but told me to stay with him the rest of the day. So, I did. I ignored Bree and the rest of my band family.
Looking back, I should've seen warning signs. The way he got so angry scared me sometimes. He'd never gotten mad at me before, so I thought he wouldn't treat me like other people who interrupt his peace. I guess I was wrong.
We had our first fight at a rehearsal for our Spring concert. This was the first of what was yet to come. He wasn't yelling. He never raised his voice, but what he said to me rings in my ears to this very day.
"You're such a lesbian. You're so f***ing ugly and I f***ing hate you."
What started this fight? Oh yeah, I was hanging out with my friends, including a new one who'd moved to our school that second semester. Bree and I had gotten extremely close within the past three months and he had gotten jealous. A big chunk of the off time we had while other groups were rehearsing was spent with her. We were cuddling and holding hands. I'm a very clingy person, especially toward my friends.
Anyway, he kept calling me fat, stupid, ugly, and lesbian until I finally apologized for not giving him my full attention. I genuinely thought it was my fault. He was in 8th grade (the last year of my school's middle school) and I was a freshman in high school, so we had different band periods and we never got to see each other except at practices and rehearsals. So I felt guilty for not holding HIS hand and cuddling with HIM. Because, after all, it was my fault. And it did seem like a lesbian thing to do...I guess? I mean, I am attracted to males and females. Maybe that's why he was jealous.
EXCUSE AFTER EXCUSE. I tried to make sense of it all. He'd done nothing wrong. He didn't hit me or yell at me, but I never cheated. Anyway, after apologizing for the fourth or fifth time, he finally accepted it, but told me to stay with him the rest of the day. So, I did. I ignored Bree and the rest of my band family.
Looking back, I should've seen warning signs. The way he got so angry scared me sometimes. He'd never gotten mad at me before, so I thought he wouldn't treat me like other people who interrupt his peace. I guess I was wrong.
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